Barely Breathing With a Broken Heart
by origamitattoo
Summary: She left him behind. Leaving a broken man. Ryan/Taylor
1. Small Sparkle Often Initiates a Large

The clocking on his nightstand is blinking 12:00pm over and over again. His mind has been spinning for what has felt like hours with visions of her running through his head. Her voice penetrating into his ear drums. A haunting memory of her hands touching his side and out of habit he ran his hands down that very side to her favorite spot; the tattoo on his left side. The tattoo had been the second most painful moment of his life. She had stood by him while the tattoo artist outlined and shaded a single memory they both held in high regard. She had told stories of years before that masked the pain he was feeling. She would laugh at her owe jokes in a way he loved. She had no stop button which made him on occasion wonder why he loved her so.

This was just a fading memory of another woman he loved. The colors of his dreams were becoming a shabby sepia tone of what they once were. The only outward part of his love for her that was in true color was the tattoo.

The day she walked away had been the most painful moment of his life. She had left behind the engagement ring on the coffee table and a note with the words.

_"__Parva__ scintilla __saepe__magnam__flamam__excitat__"_

* * *

_Please Review, it wont be toooo dark I promise. _


	2. From what comes before

Steam filled the small apartment bathroom with smell of Stetson body wash. Standing alone in the shower Ryan Atwood leaned his head against the porcelain tiles under the flood of water. He exhaled sharply before smashing his fist into tiles.

He screamed before smashing his fist again and again. His thoughts were driving him over the edge with every passing moment.

As his knuckles turned redder and redder by the moment as he turned his body around and slide slowly down the shower wall.

"Seth," he screamed pounding on the wall outside the shower.

Within seconds a tall, lanky man rushed into the bathroom, stopping on dime.

"Dude, I love you man but your naked. I don't do naked very well," he laughed turning around.

Seth shook his head as this morning ritual was becoming more then even he could handle. His brother's anger had hit a new high and the blank sadness in his eyes was more then he could bare.

"Throw me a towel and get your car keys, we're leaving in 10," he said in an anger tone.

"Look man, I know your going through a lot but treating me like crap isn't gonna make you feel any better," Seth said as he walked in the kitchen.

"Seth, just shut your mouth and get ready for school," Ryan said walking into his bedroom.

Ryan slammed his bedroom floor closed as Seth mumbled something to Captain Oaks.

Ryan Atwood had spent the last six months repeating the motions of the morning after she left over and over again.

Hot shower, pounding on the shower wall, and yelling at Seth; his mind has been telling him for weeks to cool his jets but nothing seemed to make him feels better. One night stands, booze and getting into fights at dive bars; nothing was killing the pain.

He pulled his wife beater over his head causing his skin to be haunted by her touch and her laughter.

* * *

_"Ryan, you always look so manly with those on," she laughed as his arm got stuck in one of the armholes._

_He laughed as he struggled to get his arm free as she pushed him over into the bed._

_"I would watch myself woman, cause I can scream for help and I don't think you want Seth running in here with a bat," he laughed as her tiny body climbed on top of his._

_She smiled leaning down to kiss his nose,"Seth knowing what a bat is, blows my mind. So don't think that scares me."_

_His arm finally broke free and his eyes traveled the length of her body. She was clad in his favorite dress shirt and nothing else._

_They had returned from a benefit for Children's Hospital of Orange where Sandy Cohen had been giving an award. It had been a perfect evening of dancing under a clear starry night. She had taught him how to do the Electric Slide to the joy of the rest of the Cohen family._

_"I don't think making fun of me after you tortured me early tonight is very smart young lady," he laughed as he pulled her under him._

_"Baby, you know you loved it," she whispered into his neck._

_"You know I hate it when you call me baby," he said kissing her._

_She pulled away from his mouth, "Baby, baby, baby…"_

_

* * *

_

"Buddy, its time to leave," Seth yelled as he grabbed his keys.

Ryan threw Seth the death glare before following him out to the Range Rover silently.

As the door closed behind Seth he cleared his throat, " Ryan, I think it's time I went with you to that Doctor Mom told us about. I think he could help you get through the anger."

Ryan rolled his eyes, "She left me. I can deal with that however I want. So stop pushing me. When school is over everything will be different."

Seth had heard this everyday since she left and nothing had changed. He shook his head and turned the radio on.

_A priori_


End file.
